![]() ![]() This can look like avoiding intimacy or even avoiding partnership altogether. Avoiding sexual intimacy with a partner: Because the sexual trauma was caused by others, we decide that others are no longer safe. It's easy to despair at this point and worry that nothing will ever feel good again, but it will - when we take the time to heal.Ĥ. Even simple pleasures like being in Nature or enjoying a good meal don’t feel good anymore. It's not just sexual pleasure that we avoid - the entire sensory system becomes suspect. Minimizing sensory pleasure: Avoidance of pleasure is clinically called anhedonia and is extremely common for people who have unresolved sexual trauma. Both are forms of avoidance that allow us to deny the wounds we still carry that need healing.ģ. We might completely avoid sexual self-pleasure, or we might dissociate when we self-pleasure by using pornography. Avoiding sexual self-pleasure: Because our bodies were abused during the sexual trauma, the body can become an unwelcome place. The danger with numbness and shutdown is that we get so used to not feeling anything that we think there's something wrong with us and we stop looking for help.Ģ. It is the single most overlooked aspect of unresolved sexual trauma. Sexual numbness and shutdown: Numbness (not experiencing sensations or feelings) means we don't feel safe. You might also want to check out my two-part article on foundational trauma navigation skills ( Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here).ġ. ![]() To support your nervous system, I invite you to download my free Introduction to Resourcing meditation. ![]() If you find that you become activated when reading this, that is a totally normal response. And you are worth whatever it takes to heal.Īwareness is the first step. You don't have to carry the past around with you any longer. If you've been putting off healing until everything in your life is perfect, I hope seeing some of the impacts of unresolved trauma will have you reconsider. My hope is by recognizing how many ways unresolved trauma can steal the goodness from your life, you'll be inspired to heal.Īfter all, trauma healing is possible for each and every one of us. It’s not fair to ourselves to pay - and continue to pay - for something that happened to us in the past and that wasn't our fault. These signs interfere with our full participation in and enjoyment of life. I made a list of 21 signs of unresolved sexual trauma to help you notice common ways that unhealed trauma can manifest. Sometimes we don’t have a clear picture of what exactly happened, like in many cases of child sexual abuse, but we can see the impact of it in our lives and especially in our intimate relationships.Īnd when we see the price we’re already paying for postponing our healing, it's easy to be shocked. Rather than revisiting the details of what happened in our memories, it's psychologically safer to look at the damage the unresolved trauma is creating in our lives. It's often easier to examine the impact of unresolved trauma than to try to go directly into the story. ![]() Consciously or unconsciously, we push it out of awareness. We keep it - and ourselves - on lockdown. The body doesn’t want it to escape because it fears the traumatic imprint might affect our ability to function. Often, unresolved sexual trauma is held in the body by layers of tension and fear. No matter how long it takes, it is a brave journey. For some of us, it can take decades to put the pieces together. Recognizing sexual trauma is a personal process, unique to the individual. The first person we need to admit this to is ourselves. Having the courage to recognize that we have unresolved sexual trauma takes enormous courage. For men, there's even more stigma and shame, even more of an unspoken prohibition against talking about it.īut without disclosure, we're not able to heal. It’s easy to feel confusion when the people we most trust are the ones who are harming us.Īnd although over 90% of sexual assault is male violence against women, men experience it too (also perpetrated, in the vast majority, by men). Over 90% of sexual assault is perpetrated by someone the victim knows - and often, it's an intimate partner (a current partner or an ex-partner). We are not responsible for the harm done by others. What happened to us isn’t our fault, but we often think it is, assigning self-blame to things over which we had no control. Many never speak of it, as if ignoring the wound will allow it to heal - but we know in fact the opposite is true. Most people with sexual trauma in their past would rather forget about it. ![]()
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